How I Met the Doctor
by WitlessFool
Summary: Kids, have I ever told you the story of how I met your father? Uh, right. Judging by the look on your faces, he clearly has – in excruciating detail too, probably. Well, I'll just skip ahead to the moment I told him I was pregnant. HIMYM Doctor Who style :D absolute crack fic mixed with a bit of fluff. Ten/Rose COMPLETE


**Disclaimer:** Doctor Who is not mine. Simple.

**Potential spoilers for HIMYM S07E12 Symphony of Illumination. **This is not a direct transplantation of the episode into the DW-verse but bits and pieces are definitely inspired from it.

* * *

**How I Met the Doctor**

_Kids, have I ever told you the story of how I met your father?_

_Uh, right. Judging by the look on your faces, he clearly has – in excruciating detail too, probably. Well, I'll just skip ahead to the moment I told him I was pregnant._

*.*.*.*

Rose Tyler growled under her breath as she tried to rouse the Doctor. Bending down over his tall lanky form, she delivered a few more taps to his cheek and watched as he blinked groggily, clearly confused to find himself lying face down on their bathroom floor.

He lifted his head up and looked around, taking stock of his surroundings and confirming that yes, they were indeed in the bathroom. Specifically, their bathroom on the TARDIS. Rose could practically see the Doctor's mind ticking away, trying to unscramble the events that led to him being unconscious on the floor. Counting down in her head, Rose waited for the inevitable question.

_Three, two, one –_

"What happened? Did I pass out?"

Rose sighed. "Not exactly."

_Moments earlier…_

"Uh, Doctor, why are you hiding away in the bathroom?" Rose asked as she popped her head in, only to see the Doctor's lower half sticking out from underneath the bathroom cupboard.

"I'm not hiding," came the muffled reply. "Just trying to fix up one of the circuits linking the TARDIS control to the –"

"Yeah," Rose interrupted, not entirely interested in listening to one of his long rambling explanations into his current project. There were definitely more important things on her mind at the moment. "I need to talk to you about something. Something important."

"Fine, fine, go ahead. Even if you don't want to listen, you are going to love my latest upgrade to the bathroom. You know how the last time we both ended up in the shower because the TARDIS accidentally landed –"

"Again, Doctor," Rose cut him off again. She glared down at the converse-clad feet in front of her, resisting the urge to kick them. "I really need to say something. It would be really helpful if you are looking at me while I'm talking."

"How would that make any difference?" Oblivious, the Doctor continued to happily chat away. "Let me just say, you take after Jackie. She's always going on about how I should look at her when she is speaking to me. Says it's rude otherwise. Last time we popped back for a visit, I asked her to explain to me the logic behind that rule. You know what she said to me? 'When you have children of your own, you'll understand.'" He said that last bit in an uncanny imitation of her mother. "Can you imagine me, being someone's dad?"

Rose just couldn't hold it in anymore. "I'm pregnant."

"Pregnant. Yes, suppose you'll have to be pregnant in order for me to be a dad. After all, we are married so if you're not the one who's pregnant, I better start running for the stars because your mother is going to come after my – Wait, you're what?"

_Thunk!_

Rose winced as the sound of the Doctor's head banging against the top of the underside of the cupboard reverberated in their tiny bathroom. Sighed, she bent down and proceeded to drag the now unconscious Time Lord out.

Which brought them back to the present moment.

"Huh," the Doctor nodded slowly, as if he was still processing everything. It was an act that wasn't fooling Rose for a second. With that Time Lord brain of his, he could process a 100,000-word novel in under a minute. Three words shouldn't be this difficult. "So you are pregnant. Are you sure?"

"Well, no." Rose admitted. "Not positive. I'm a week late but I'm never late. It's a point of pride with me. Until I know for sure, not a word of this to anyone."

"Not even Jackie?" The Doctor wanted to know.

"Really?" Rose shot him a look. "You want to drag my mother into this?"

"Good point." the Doctor's face blanched, as if he had just realized exactly what he blurted out. He hunched up his shoulders and lowered his head like an automated defence manoeuvre. Any other time, Rose would have giggled at his behaviour. But considering the gravity of the situation, she just stood there, waiting for the onset of a famous "nervous Doctor who wants to avoid discussing anything domestic" ramble.

It never came.

"You're pregnant," the Doctor said slowly. "That's… wonderful!" His face cracked into a wide-cheeked grin.

Of all the reactions she had expected from him, sheer manic joy was not one of them. Momentarily thrown, Rose could only stare back into that beaming face in confusion. "Huh?"

If at all possible, the Doctor's grin widened even further. "I'm going to be a daddy!"

That was all the proof Rose needed that the universe had gone mad. The man who would never willingly do anything domestic was beaming away at her like Father Christmas. Suddenly overwhelmed by everything that has happened to her in the last twenty-four hours, Rose felt the ground beneath her feet tilt.

"Did the TARDIS just suddenly jump time tracks?" she asked as she swayed on the spot.

"No," the Doctor was still standing in front of her, steady as a rock and beaming away. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, it's either that," Rose replied as her vision started to blur. "Or I'm about to faint."

The last thing she remembered was the floor coming up to meet her face.

*.*.*.*

"Ooookay," the Doctor was practically singing as he ambled over to the kitchen table. "This is a cause for celebration and a good dose of potassium. One banana daiquiri for me and a banana milkshake for mummy!" For celebration purposes, he even served both drinks in standard cocktail glasses.

Staring down at the table top, Rose took the glass from him without a word and took a sip.

"Ooh," the Doctor winced as the unexpected taste of milk slid down his throat. "I think I gave you the wrong one. Here, let me just," he reached across the table to do a swap of glasses only to find Rose had a death grip on hers. "Give it to me. Drop it. Let. Me. Take. It. Away. From. You." The last few words were uttered through gritted teeth as the two of them battled over the glass.

Finally relinquishing the alcohol, Rose grumbled at the practically bouncing Doctor sitting across from her. "Why are you so happy about this?"

"Because," the Doctor stared back at her incredulously, as if the explanation was obvious. "This is perfect. We are together. We're in love and married. Raising kids is the next natural step, isn't it?"

"This is not good news," Rose threw her hands up in the air. "We are barely equipped to look after ourselves let alone anyone else! Last week, you took Jack and I to a 'resort planet' that you said topped the list of three intergalactic holiday magazines. We ended up running for our lives, yet again, because we landed during that planet's civil war, 200 years before any resorts were even established!"

Rose leaned forward across the table, trying to convey to the Doctor the seriousness of their situation. "We're not ready to have kids. We've never been ready to have kids and never in a million years will we ever be ready to have kids."

*.*.*.*

_Sorry, kids._

*.*.*.*

Rose sighed at the wounded expression on the Doctor's face at her last words. With his chocolate brown eyes, he really did have the kicked puppy dog look perfected down to an art. "I'm sorry," she finally relented. "I didn't mean to lash out at you. I guess it came to me as such a shock and I just find it weird that you are taking this news so well."

The Doctor immediately brightened again. All was forgiven. Rose couldn't help but smile back at him. He might be known by some as the Oncoming Storm but moments like this, the Doctor resembled a hyperactive puppy.

"Look," Rose said. "Before we get too ahead of ourselves, let's go to the drugstore to make sure I'm pregnant first. One on Earth," she levelled a pointed look at the Doctor.

"Okay, let's hit the drug store," the Doctor agreed. Then, a mischievous sparkle entered his eyes. "But not before one tiny little pit stop."

_Twenty minutes later…_

"Doctor," Rose stared at the organized chaos in front of her. "What are we doing here?"

The two of them were standing inside the store _Mothers and Babies_. The name pretty much explained it all. It was a warm Saturday afternoon when they landed and inside the store, kids, their parents and other prospective parents were all running around the store. Even single person under the age of twelve looked deliriously happy while those over the age of twelve looked like ragged, worn down and miserable.

Rose wasn't sure what that said about the Doctor, who was presently smiling manically as he observed the products on display.

"I," the Doctor cheerfully steered her further into the store. "Want to show you that having a kid is nothing to be afraid of. Oh, look at this!" He lifted a little princess dress for their dual inspection. "Can you imagine a blonde little girl all decked out in that? Yes, you can. I know you can." He cooed at her.

Even though she refused to be charmed, Rose couldn't help but let out a small smile at the spectacle he was making of himself just in an effort to cheer her up.

The Doctor perked up. "Was that a smile?"

She refused to revisit that old banter. Rolling her eyes playfully, she followed him further into the store.

The Doctor was utterly charmed by everything he saw. And what he saw, he wanted. Rose had a hard time to convince him that no, they didn't need a crib just yet. They can't buy cute little onesies that has a stethoscope emblazoned around the collar. _A mini-doctor, get it Rose? _They can't buy books and clothes and wall decorations when they don't even know what gender their kid would be.

But resisting the Doctor was a difficult task. Eventually, Rose caved and allowed him to make one purchase. One only. Preferably something small enough that they can carry from the store to the pharmacy down the street.

Thus the selection began.

They both decided that a stuffed animal would be the ideal choice. It was gender neutral and something that won't be as conspicuous of their "secret" when they visit the pharmacy later. Rose found a cute little polar bear but the Doctor had balked at the idea.

"No, no, no," he shook his head fervently in rejection. "Teddy bears are so unimaginative. If you want our child to be another generic kid holding an imitation of Morris Michtom's creation – which he named teddy bear after a drawing of Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt with a bear cub, by the way, a drawing that he would never have stumbled across if I hadn't show it to him first – then by all means, make he or she one of the masses. Our child is unique, Rose. Compared to the rug rats running amok in this shop, he or she will be special and brilliant and –"

"Fine," Rose raised her hands in surrender. If she let him keep talking, not only would they be here all day, but also judging by the looks on the faces of the parents around them, she wasn't sure they would be able to make it out of the shop unscathed. "What did you have in mind?"

"I found the perfect choice," the Doctor grinned as he pulled something out from behind his back.

Rose stared.

"So, what do you think?"

"It's a giraffe." Rose stated slowly, just to confirm what she was seeing was indeed real.

"More exotic than a bear, don't you reckon?"

"It's lime green with purple stripes."

"Yellow with brown spots is just boring, isn't it?"

"Why does it have antennas sticking out from its head?"

"I don't know," the Doctor shrugged it off. "Maybe our tot will regale us with possible explanations."

Rose laughed. There was no winning with the Doctor. Not when he's in this mood.

Besides, she stared at the grinning giraffe a bit further. Its grin does bear an uncanny resemblance to the Doctor's. She guessed it was sort of cute. "Fine, a stuffed alien giraffe it is then!"

Having made their purchase, they hit their next obstacle once they have arrived at the pharmacy. Just which one of the dozens of home pregnancy testing kits were they going to get?

"Simplest way to find out would be to grab them all, right?" The Doctor began to take one of each brand off the shelves and into their shopping basket.

"Don't be ridiculous." Just as quickly, Rose started to return the boxes back onto the shelves. "We just need one. Besides, do you really expect me to pee on twenty sticks?"

Another thought entered her mind.

"Wait, will human pregnancy tests even work for time tots?"

The Doctor stopped for a moment to stare back at her.

"Ah."

*.*.*.*

"What does it say?" Back on the TARDIS, Rose was seated on the Med Bay's examination bed as she watched the Doctor press a few more buttons on the small device he was holding in his hands. At first she had been surprised that the Doctor even had a pregnancy test in the Med Bay. Why would he ever have needed one in the first place? When she asked that question out loud, the Doctor went off on an explanation it wasn't just a pregnancy test but a machine that can scan any life form and discover its – well, Rose tuned out after that.

She really shouldn't have asked. She should just rejoice in the fact that she didn't have to go to the bathroom to pee on a stick. This machine could apparently determine her pregnancy status just from a visual scan.

A few more beeping sounds erupted from the machine as the Doctor fiddled around with it a bit more. But suddenly, words began to appear on the screen and the Doctor stared at it intensely. Rose waited with bated breath as the Doctor slowly lifted his head and met her questioning gaze.

"It's negative."

"Oh."

All the air left her lungs as Rose processed that information.

"That's good," she said slowly.

In the silence that fell between them, Rose thought about the implications of the result. Shouldn't she be glad? That was the result she was hoping for all week as she waited for her time of the month to come. All those fears of the Doctor's reaction to the news, the prospect of telling her mother about it all, and the daunting responsibility of having someone to look after – she didn't have to worry about them anymore. Wasn't that good?

"That's good," she repeated. Somehow those words sounded hollow, almost as if she was trying to convince herself. "It's good."

"Rose?" The Doctor was still looking at her. He looked so unsure of himself. At that moment, Rose would have done anything to have the annoying rambling manic Doctor of that morning back.

"Uh, it's fine," Rose slid off the table and darted around the Doctor, heading for the exit. She turned around and looked back at the Doctor, her eyes firmly fixed away from the scanner in his hands. She wanted to cheer him up but she didn't know how. Not when she was feeling just as hollow and empty inside as he was. "Sorry to scare you like that this morning. Phew, what a relief, right?"

"Rose," he began to speak.

"I'm going to the library, okay?" Rose interrupted. She didn't want him to comfort her either. Not when he was going through the same pain. "I'm halfaway through a detective story at the moment. Now that this is all sorted, I'm just gonna go back and find out who did it, alright?" She didn't bother waiting for a response. "Well, cya!"

He left her alone for thirty minutes. But Rose knew he was going to come and find her sooner or later.

"Rose?" The Doctor entered the library and shuffled over to sit down on the couch beside her. His hands were in his pockets and his back was slouched, a clear sign that he wanted to talk but wasn't sure what to say.

Rose stayed silent, unsure what to say herself.

"Rose," he began again. "You're saddened by all this. I get that. What can I do to make you happy right now? Just tell me." He pleaded, desperation evident in his voice.

"No." Rose refused to budge. "Why do you need to know so badly anyway?"

"So I can cheer you up."

"It's not your job to cheer me up."

"Yes it is. Cheering you up is my job."

"It's not your job to cheer me up," Rose repeated through clenched teeth. She desperately wished he would just let it go.

"Yes, it is," the Doctor insisted.

"No, it isn't."

"Yes, it is."

"No, it isn't," she practically yelled out that last bit. Taking a deep breath, Rose turned away from the shattered look on the Doctor's face.

"I'm going to bed," Rose said quietly. She turned to leave the library, grabbing the toy on her way out.

*.*.*.*

_I appreciated that your dad wanted to cheer me up but honestly, it wasn't necessary. So I wasn't pregnant. Big deal. It was better this way. This way, there is no one to hold us back in life; no one to keep us from travelling when we want to travel into another life-or-death situation. If you want to know the truth of it, I'm glad you guys aren't real._

Rose stared as her two smiling kids listening to her words from their seats on the couch fade away like a half-forgotten dream.

"Really glad," she murmured, clutching the stuffed giraffe tightly to her chest.

Sighing, she turned to face the other way on the bed, only to discover the Doctor standing next to it. She froze.

"How much did you hear?"

"Enough." The Doctor sat down on the bed. "Scoot over."

Rose did, watching the Doctor shed his jacket and climb into bed with her. Seemingly ignoring her stiffness, he settled into a comfortable position before gathering her into his arms. Resting his chin on the top of her head, Rose heard as well as felt him take a deep breath and sigh in contentment. In silence, the two of them listened to each other's quiet breathing.

"What if we can't?" She asked suddenly, turning her head to nestle it on his shoulder. The fear bubbling away underneath the surface was threatening to erupt. "I mean, what if I can't get pregnant and we'll never be able to have kids?"

"Then I still have you," the Doctor said simply, press his lips onto her forehead. "You, Rose Tyler, are the best thing that's happened to me."

Rose sighed. Something tight began to slowly unravel itself inside her chest. They'll be okay. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"That question you asked in the console room," she lifted her head to look up at him. "Ask me again."

The Doctor smiled in relief as he bent his head so their foreheads were touching each other. "What can I do to make you happy right now?"

"By being you," Rose smiled tremulously up at him. "Just being with you makes me happy."

*.*.*.*

_I wasn't sure who I was kidding that day. Whether or not I wanted to be pregnant became irrelevant. I was devastated to find out I wasn't. I was in a bad place and no matter how hard I wanted to avoid being comforted by your dad, he refused to be stopped. With his unique brand of comfort and charm, he managed to turn what was a pretty miserable day for us both into a day I'll always remember back to with fondness._

_I thought I was already utterly, hopelessly and totally in love with him. But that day, I think I fell for him just that little further. _

_That was also the day I realized we were ready. Because no matter what happens from now on, as long as we have each other, we could muddle our way through any situation._

_So little time tot, we just can't wait for you to pop into our lives. _

With the Doctor's hand clutched tightly in hers, Rose sighed in contentment as they both gazed at the two hearts beating away on the widescreen television, courtesy of the TARDIS' gel-free ultrasound scan. The colourful stuffed giraffe was placed securely on the top of her bulge, already making acquaintances with its future owner. "We just can't wait."

* * *

**Author's Note:** I was thinking about TV shows and that somehow led to me thinking – wouldn't it be a funny to have DW characters in the HIMYM scenario? Of course, the Doctor was going to be Ted but for a moment or two, I really wanted Rose to be the main character because "How I Met the Doctor," come on, that's cool. Then I remembered the season 7 episode and this one-shot was the result. I hope you guys enjoyed this!

I'm still mucking about with the plans of the actual HIMYM DW-AU fanfic with the Doctor as Ted and Jack as Barney (because really, who else was he going to be?). Let me know if that's something you'd be interested in (I'm still a bit hesitant over whether or not it's a good idea). I'd love to know hear any suggestions!

Witless Fool


End file.
